Panic Time
by twobluebearies
Summary: In which our dear Captain encounters a side of himself he has never seen before and struggles with the consequences. It doesn't help that obviously there's something seriously wrong with his First in Command. Wanna know more? Just click here and read the whole thing!


Both Kirk, Spock and McCoy stumbled off the transporter pad. "Aye, ye look terrible!", Scotty commented, while manning the controls and turning the transporters off. Although it made Spock do the eyebrow, it was true after all. Kirk's shirt was in pieces, McCoy had his blood soaking the cloth around one of his arms and was clinging to the wound while Spock looked slightly ruffled. "Don't even ask, Scotty.", Kirk said in his complaining voice before exiting the room as fast as he could. His colleagues followed him after a second.

 **Captain's Log, Stardate 4375.2:**

Our diplomatic mission to Rigel Beta Seven can not be considered successful. Additionally to the fact that they want to join the federation we have learned two different things as well: Firstly, my First in command's biology seems very fascinating to the residents, and secondly, they have no morals as we know them. Guess who we had to free from the hands of some enthusiastic scientists? I had to distract them while Bones managed to slip inside the laboratory to get Spock out and in beaming range. I was never so desperate to make acrobatics on a lawn before. I even ripped my shirt on some damn statue and McCoy was bitten by some aggressive animal while trying to get Spock out of the handcuffs. I do not know how that worked, but he doesn't want to share details. We have left orbit and are now on our way to Betazoid, since we have to pick up the Terran ambassador. We will be there in approximately one week. What was that, Commander? Ah. Six days, fourteen hours, twenty-two minutes and four seconds it is to be exact. Captain out.

The day had already been uncomfortably long when Kirk placed his tray opposite to Spock's. While he started to eat with a healthy appetite, his neighbor just poked his vegetables in a very emotional way. "What is it?", he decided to ask after a few minutes. Spock seemed to think for a moment and then answered: "Vegetable stew number five." Kirk sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Let me rephrase. What makes you look so emotionally compromised?" Kirk could swear the Commander had twitched at 'emotionally compromised'. "As you already know, Captain, I am not able to be in a state such as described by you." "As you already know, Commander, I am not able to believe in this story. You don't like being rescued, that must be it.", Kirk guessed. He watched his opposite's face go ostentatious blank and felt accomplished. "Just remember how often you had to rescue me. It's only fair when it's your turn for once. Definitely no reason to be ashamed. Also, there wasn't any real danger to you, therefore it was my personal wish to do so, not an uncomfortable necessity." Spock relaxed a little. "Your reasoning seems logical.", he replied and took a bite. For the rest of the meal they had a little small talk about the new crew members they had gotten just a month ago. Since all of them worked in security and neither of them had actually worked with them, the talk didn't have much of a content.

'At least I've only ripped one shirt today.', was the thought with which Kirk left for the land of dreams. At four o'clock in the morning he was woken again by a nearly panicking Chief Medical Officer. "What's up, Bones?", he muffled into the comm, leaning hard to the wall next to it. "I thought you were the one who told me I had too little sleep. Wasn't that last week? I don't remember." "Stop being funny, Jim. I wanted to tell you that M'Benga will take my shift tomorrow. I just found myself unfit for duty. According to Starfleet Protocol number 25.8…" "Since when do you care for protocols? I think I know which one you mean. Have you ever considered that 'as fast as possible' doesn't compulsively mean 'immediately'?" He heard faint laughter from the comm. "Damn you, Bones!", he snorted playfully. Only after that he came to a thought. "Why is it that you are unfit for duty?", he asked concerned. "'Member that bite? This beast which just looked like it wanted to be pet, it must have given me something, and now I'm miserable. I'll spare you the details." Thankful for the last statement Kirk wished McCoy to get better soon, and hopped right into bed again afterwards. He imagined McCoy trying to pet a big fluffy animal with giant teeth for a moment before sleeping in again.

When he stepped on the bridge the next morning, he found his favorite Half-Vulcan already bowed over the science station. Pushing away the thought that he may have been here the whole night, he placed himself in the command chair, coffee in the left, PADD in the right. The stars went by so fast that they became lines instead of dots. After he had read Scotty's report about the current works on the turbolifts and after he had drunken his coffee, he watched the stars again. He thought to see something unusual in the far-right corner of the screen. As it became bigger, Spock announced that it was a nebula of unusual composition. He agreed to go and investigate, since he was already bored.

The nebula turned out to be black with hints of a glowing red. They stopped right in front of it and Spock went to examine it. It was remarkably dense, therefore its blackness. Kirk missed which the tiny particles were made from, since he was listening to Bones' whining over the comm at that time. The guy was even more unbearable when he was sick. He anyways promised to visit him later the day. After that, nothing much but Spock pressing buttons happened. Kirk overheard the two in front of him talking.

"He, Pavel, do you see the face in that thing as well?", Sulu asked, obviously presuming that nobody but Chekov would hear. "Et es wery frightening.", the other answered softly. "If the nebula was like…blue or something, it wouldn't be half as bad." Chekov nodded. Somebody took a very audible breath to their right, which made them look to their science officer. Spock was no longer studying the controls. His hands clutched to the railing in front of him and his steady gaze was pointed towards the screen, as if he had seen the nebula on it just now. He actually looked frightened, Vulcan-frightened of course, and seemed to try hard to control himself. "Is everything in order, Commander?", Kirk asked to get him out of whatever it was. "Affirmative.", was the slightly surprised answer. "I think I have by know gathered enough information to interpret them. May I do so in the laboratories?" Kirk nodded, and ordered Sulu to go on Warp again. He leaned back in his chair and nearly smiled as he was thinking about how nice it sounded when Spock said the full word instead of just 'lab'. Spock. What was possibly wrong with him? He would have to talk with him about that, after their shifts ended. For the rest of the time being, Kirk was the least concentrated being on the bridge.

Kirk went to labs right after beta shift had come to their replacement. Several people leaned over a table and studied some stones or something. As they saw the Captain enter, all of them pointed to a closed door without looking up. They knew what he wanted. Kirk got the hint and pressed the button to open the door. It flung open and exposed a remarkable brightness. It burned in the eyes, but Kirk entered anyway. It took him some time to adjust to the light, but after that he could see Spock sitting at the table his elbows positioned somewhere between the PADDs and instruments and his face in his hands. "Spock?", Kirk asked. The pointy-eared man turned his face to him, an open expression of misery on it. "What is wrong with you?", the Captain questioned, because obviously something was. "I do not know. I seem to be inflicted by something unknown." "Why do you think so?" "The shadows. They terrify me. All the techniques I now proved ineffective against this feeling. I can't control it, therefore I decided to eliminate them." "Did the nebula have the same effect?" Spock could only nod ashamed to that. His dark eyes saw right into the Captains, silently asking for help. Kirk grabbed his friend's arm and pulled him upright. "Mr. Spock, we are going to sickbay. Right now.", he ordered.

M'Benga was more than surprised to see the Vulcan being dragged in by the Captain. "You gotta have a look at him.", before trying to dispose of his friend on a bio-bed. He let go, but this was only followed by Spock holding tight to Kirk's right arm. He appeared terrified; body tense and apathic face expression. M'Benga studied the data the screen over the bed was giving him, while Nurse Chapel watched from the door, looking pretty concerned. "It seems that that part of your brain which controls fear is highly overstimulated. Also, your adrenaline level is over normal. Did you come in contact with something unusual in the last days? I think this is most probably caused by some chemical substance." "Maybe something in that lab on Rigel Beta?", Kirk guessed. "Most probable.", Spock said, like he was in pain. Certainly, it was more on an emotional level, Kirk thought. "Anyways, I do not think that you had sufficient sleep in the last time, according to your readings.", M'Benga stated, already searching for the right hypo. Chapel, following his thoughts, handed him the one. "I'll give you this tranquilizer. After that, you will go to your quarters and go to sleep.", he told Spock like he was talking to a child, knowing that his patient was notoriously not following doctor's orders. "I will see to that.", Kirk said with a smile. The doctor hypoed the Vulcan, who had to be held with both of Kirk's arms and all of his strength, forcing him to stay on the bed instead of fleeing. "I'll see if I can find some kind of antidote against whatever this is causing.", he assured his patient as he was leaving behind his Captain. "Thank you.", was the silent reply.

As Kirk dropped on his office chair, turning it alternately to the right and left, he remembered that he hadn't visited Bones the whole day. He stood up and left his quarters. On his way to the turbolift he passed the door to Spock's quarters where he had left him just some minutes ago. He felt terribly sorry for his first in command. Being afraid non-stop put an immense strain on him, and he seemed fragile and just not himself.

Bones was studying some reports when the Captain entered. "I thought you were sick.", Kirk joked. "Hi Jim. I'm better already. You see, I have a very competent physician.", was the return. "Don't you tell all the time that doctors are their worst patients?" "No, I don't." McCoy was very serious about that. Although he was unsure if he had upset his doctor somehow, Kirk took the seat opposite to him. "Do you know about Spock?", he asked almost nervously. "That just sounds bad. But I'm almost jealous at M'Benga for witnessing that little scene in sickbay an hour ago." "What scene?" Kirk was bewildered. "After what he told me, Spock was clinging to you like a three-year-old. Also, you apparently behaved like you were his mom, holding his hand the whole time." "I wasn't holding his hand, it was just the wrist." It appeared to Bones that Kirk was sulking, like he had found him guilty of something. "Oh, come on, it's more than friendship you have for that guy. Do you even listen to yourself at times? Do you possess that less self-conscience to not realize what kind of looks you are giving him? Jimmyboy, ya just silly!" At that, Kirk just left.

Kirk was angry, really angry. Who did Bones think he was, just go and make wild guessed about his love life? He kicked a wall in frustration. But was he really that wrong? Kirk just couldn't tell, which made him even more miserable. He shortly considered checking on Spock, but he didn't want to disturb him if was actually sleeping. Additionally to that, he could still hear Bones in his head. Therefore, he just entered his quarters and went straight to bed. He wouldn't give this day a chance to get any worse. When he had already slipped into his pajamas, McCoy called him. "Sorry Jim. I just really thought you had those feeling. I must have assessed you wrong. Please take my excuse for bothering you in that fashion." "It's alright Bones, maybe you're not that wrong after all." After the last statement, only some white noise could be heard. "Bones, you're there?", Kirk asked after a moment. "Are you serious with that?" McCoy seemed really shocked. First Kirk nodded. After he realized that his doctor wouldn't see that, he said: "I am not sure." "Well, that's a beginning at least!" Suddenly, Bones sounded very content. "Good night, Captain, and think about it.", he added, knowing that Kirk couldn't have both. "Please Bones, don't tell Spock under any circumstances. He mustn't know!" "I'll see to that." Half laughing and half snorting, McCoy turned the comm off.

Kirk stared into the darkness in front of him. How could he have been so blind not to see it? He felt quite ashamed for living his life so thoughtlessly. Now he had the trouble that he had to live with, since he didn't believe that Spock reciprocated his feelings. He had even claimed to feel shame for their friendship. Although the Commander had been infected by some mysterious virus and was clearly ashamed for feeling something and not for harboring this feeling for Jim, it had made Kirk insecure for a while. No, Spock didn't love him. As he started to sob uncontrollably, he automatically used a simple mind-controlling technique. It was a Vulcan one. He somehow mastered to fall asleep a few minutes later.

He awoke in the middle of the night, because his bed had inexplicably managed to turn even more uncomfortable. It was too hot for him and he already sweated. Neither could he move or breathe properly. It was like something was lying onto him. He was able to get one hand out of the sheets and touch whatever it was. It was warmer than his own body and moving to a steady slow beat. He let his hand wander upwards in his head's direction. Now he felt something soft, a little more on the side he encountered a fleshy and elastic point between his fingers. It was a pointy ear. "Lights ten percent!", he ordered surprised. In the dim light which know filled the room, he could make out that the person curling on him was indeed Spock. He couldn't believe his eyes! What was he even doing here? While he was watching him astonished, he began to roll of him and opened his eyes. Before Kirk even had a chance to ask his question, Spock already began. "I could not sleep alone in the dark, therefore I found it logical to move to your quarters." "It seems so." "When I am near you, I do not feel afraid. You have always been nice to me." He actually made puppy eyes. "Please Jim, let me stay here, because everywhere else it is scary." Kirk nodded. "I feel way better as well since you are here, so we might as all take profit of each other's presence." Kirk wondered if he had just seen Spock smile. "I like you, Jim.", Spock announced. "Oh, I like you too, Spock.", Kirk answered playfully. "No, you do not understand. Let me show you." From one second to the other, Spock's hand was at Kirk's temple, then suddenly Kirk was in Spock's mind. It was a place he had been in before, but never had it been such a turmoil of thoughts, memories and emotions. Everything was filled with fear, but it seemed artificial, not that it was like that usually. Spock led him to one corner of his mind. There, Kirk felt the most honest, most clear emotion he had ever felt. He knew. There was no more insecurity or fear of being rejected. Spock loved him as well.

 **Thank you for reading!**


End file.
